Midgar Booty, or The Cloud Strife Song
by Tobu Ishi
Summary: Due to an extremely random misfire of neutrons in my brain, here is a lovely parody of the song Baby Got Back, by Sir Mix-A-Lot. If you like Cloud (or big swords ) why not give it a shot?


Greeting, ohayo, and aloha to you all. ^_^ Having gotten very bored and then very inspired in the middle of work, I hereby present to you the fruits of my labors; a Final Fantasy parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot's (unfortunately) unkillable hit, "Baby Got Back".   
  
I say Final Fantasy in general, and not FF7, because it's full of so many references to the other FF games, as well as Kingdom Hearts, that many of the jokes won't work unless you have some basic knowledge of the series. Oh, and for those of you who are unaware, CLAMP is a group of anime artists who specialize in shoujo manga, which often features extremely beautiful males, often with long hair etc., that are referred to as bishounen or, in American otaku terminology, "bishies".   
  
Well, enough explanation. Enjoy! (It works better if you've got a sound file of the song to listen to while you read. ^_^)  
  
(PROFILE UPDATE - April 6, 2003 Okay, I still can't believe this really happened!!! ^_^ *grinning like an idiot* For Sakuracon 2003, which ran from April 4th until today, I dressed as Aeris and performed this song with backup music in the karaoke contest...and won Best of Show!!! O.O *still in shock* The adrenaline rush of playing to a room full of screaming, cheering otaku was beyond belief...I'm still feeling all bright and sparkly! ^_^  
  
Thank you so much, everyone who came up and asked for the lyrics afterwards...this update is for you! I made a few changes to the lyrics since I wrote them, so here is the updated Midgar Booty song, Version 2.0: Sakuracon Mix!)  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Song: Midgar Booty (The Cloud Strife Song)  
  
*talking*  
Oh my gosh.  
Tifa, look at that sword.  
It is so big!  
He looks like one of those fangirl magnets...  
Who understands those fangirls?  
They only talk to him because he looks like a total bishounen.  
I mean, his sword,  
It's just so big!  
I can't believe it's just so huge and...out there.  
It's awesome...  
Look, he's just so stacked!  
  
*rap*  
I like Cloud Strife and I can not lie  
You gamer girls can't deny  
That when Cloud walks in with the Buster on his shoulder  
And his muscles built like boulders  
You drool  
He's the essence of cool  
And his moves are pure old school  
So fine in the duds he's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring  
  
Oh, bishy! I wanna get with ya  
And draw your picture  
  
My girlfriends tried to stop me  
But that sword you got  
It's the size of Milwaukee  
  
Ooh, he's got such smooth moves  
When he's in a monster-killin' groove  
He whacks 'em, attacks 'em, racks up the EXP while he smacks 'em  
  
Hair spiked and yellow  
Eyes blue and mellow  
He's fine, divine, and I'm wishin' he was mine all mine  
  
I'm tired of newbie jerks  
Saying Tidus has the works  
Sure the guy's kinda cute with his hair like gold  
But he whines like a three-year-old!  
  
So, fellas- (Yeah?) Fellas- (Yeah?)  
Do you wish you could be like Cloud? (Booyeah!)  
Well too bad, too bad, so sad, so sad, there's only one allowed  
  
He's layin' down the smack  
  
*turntable scratch*  
  
Layin' down the smack  
  
*turntable scratch*  
  
I know he once cross-dressed  
But he's still the best!  
  
He joined a rebel gang  
And he's battlin' Shinra  
He'll slice 'em up like pasta  
  
When his Mythril Saber  
Goes WHAM! Blade Beam! WHAM WHAM!  
  
I aint talkin bout Daggers  
I'm talkin' bout a six-foot iron slagger  
  
He used to look like a koosh doll  
Cuz those old graphics sucked  
But in the Hades Cup  
You can ogle till your eyeballs pop  
  
So I'm lookin' at Zidane Tribal  
Got a funny-lookin' tail, givin' chicks the eyeball  
You can keep that monkey  
He's just a little too funky  
  
A word to the small fry Sora  
I'll tell it to ya short cuz  
I don't want to bore ya  
He fought Cloud in a duel, got to hear him go *battle cry*  
Til the break of dawn  
  
Cloud had it goin' on  
Till he got his sword stuck in the ground  
I guess my only question's  
Why he let an eighth-grader win?  
  
Cuz he's rough and he's tough  
Must have been all that Aeris fluff...  
  
So, ladies- (Yeah?) Ladies- (Yeah?)  
Does Cloud Strife rock your world (Oh yeah!)  
  
Then turn it on  
Try and play  
Even Moogles got to say  
  
He's layin' down the smack  
  
*turntable scratch*  
  
Layin' down the smack  
  
Yeah baby  
When it comes to bishies  
CLAMP ain't got nothin to do with my selection  
Long flowy hair and doofy earrings? Nuh-uh.  
Only if he's Edgar...  
  
For a long time fans have wondered  
If Squall could steal some'a Cloud's thunder  
But thanks to Kingdom Hearts we don't have to wonder  
'Cause that game made it  
Clear as glass that Cloud could kick Squall's (*Gunblade*)  
  
You can try Hard Edge or Nail Bat, but please don't lose that sword  
  
Some gamers wanna play the tough guy   
And tell you '97 games ain't fly  
So they toss 'em and leave 'em  
And I pull up quick to retrieve 'em  
  
So Cecil got there first?  
Well his graphics are the worst!  
Cuz your face is pretty and your sword kicks butt  
And you got me goin' nuts!  
  
To the fangirls followin' cartoon guys  
I aint missin' a thing  
Give me Cloud, I can't resist him  
Those Shinra goons did miss him  
  
Then Sephiroth tried to dis  
World destruction's on his list  
He had Cloud but he tried to kill him--  
Cloud be rippin' off the guy's One Wing  
  
So ladies if your heart just soars  
When you think about the merc bein' yours  
  
Dial 1-900-AVALANCHE and try to make the catch!  
  
Layin' down the smack  
  
Niblheim face with the Midgar booty  
  
Niblheim face with the Midgar booty  
  
Niblheim face with the Midgar booty  
  
He's got a Niblheim face with the Midgar booty  
  
Top that, Tifa!  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Well, there's the updated version. Once again, to everyone who came to the Sakuracon karaoke contest, a million props to each and every one of you! Your incredible encouragement has had one positive effect for you; even as I write this, KaZaA is working busily away in another window, downloading the backup music for "Baby Got Back" so that I can make an MP3 of this! Your wish will hopefully be granted! ^___^ Till then...I love you all! 


End file.
